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This letter was sent to connex this morning by Singo.

Dear CONnex

I would like to state that your ticket inspectors are quite frankly, a bunch of rude, inconsiderate and intellectually challenged f*ckheads.

I buy a weekly ticket every single week to travel to and from work on your generally lacklustre, incompetent, filthy and obsolete public transport system.

If you don’t know what these words mean, I am basically saying your service is sh*thouse. Please note I use the term ’service’ very loosely.

I could go on about every crap detail all day due to my unlimited internet access, but I will get to my point.

Today when I had to rush for my train, I was unable to take the time to stick my EFTPOS card in the machine at Laverton station (which quite often doesn’t like my card and wont scan it), usually this is not a problem as I will go and get my ticket at Flinders St where the machine always works with my card. Congratulations Connex! You have one ticket machine in the whole of greater f*cking Melbourne that works all the time.

Now this system that I have developed works fine for both parties. I get my ticket and a week’s travel on your sh*tty system and you get my hard earned dough for the honour of having me use your trains. No dramas whatsoever until today.

Today as I explained before I was rushing to make the train, but this time when I went to tell the inspector that I wanted to buy a ticket at Flinders St, the Connex equivalent of Heinrich Himmler’s SS corps swooped on me like flies.

They asked me why I didn’t have a ticket and I explained to them why and the fact that I intended to buy a weekly ticket right there and then.

Not good enough for them. They wanted some details off me. I agreed and asked them to be quick though because I was close to being late for that little thing called work. You know, that thing that provides me with income so I can travel with you on your sh*tty trains?

Then they told me they had to confirm my address. Well considering I have just moved in to my new place and the fact I live alone it was a little hard. At any rate, why should I give you my friends or relatives numbers? You could be a f*cking murderer for all I know! They then told me they would have to place me under arrest and call the police. For a freaking ticket?!?!?! F*CK OFF.

Now I know you have to fight fare evasion etc etc, but why don’t you try to catch the pr*cks who are actually evading the system and not the people who are trying to get to work and have every intention of buying a ticket? Especially after you just raised the price of tickets once again, this is all a bit hard to swallow.

Unfortunately you have a problem with your inspectors. Being a shi*ty job and all where everyone hates you, you hardly recruit rocket scientists. In fact you barely scrape the space cadets out there. And we all know that its impossible to train people to have common sense. Definitely the case with the idiots you hire.

So before you send me a fine via my work address that you assumed I was lying about as well, don’t even bother, because I won’t pay it. Ever. You can go and get f*cked.

Yours Sincerely,

Singo

P.S Your plain clothes ticket inspectors stick out like dogs balls on a hot day….