Thought i’d simplify the site design a bit more. Bit late, still doin shit for work 
… might have some new work on the horizon, hopefully should be good. when i know more i’ll blab on here. My voice is still pretty fucked. been nice and sick lately. Can’t wait for the summer mayhem to begin. anyway I’m gonna hit the sack.
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Singopalooza strikes back with the third level of new destructiveness.
Welcome to my first post on the magnificent slappa.org site as I attempt to reconstruct what happened on that one Saturday in September.
As you may well already know, slappa moved in during Grand Final week to the House of Horrors and it was decided to welcome the man with a kickarse grandfinal party. Why the fuck not we all said.
So on thursday night a barbecue magically appeared in the back yard which like Guinness was fuckin’ BRILLIANT! Unfortunately I thought I may miss most of the game because my skills were required for lawn bowls which wasn’t the best outcome but wasn’t too bad because the piss is really cheap there. Turned out not to be a problem.
Friday came and went with its usual haze of getting shitfaced and chasing chicks. Unfortunately because I am such a gun at getting shitfaced, I forgot to chase the chicks. Fuck it. So we tried to gaffer tape our mate Gav up which doesn’t work when you’re 81kg and he’s around 120. By the time the cops rocked up it was Greco-Roman wrestling to teach my young and silly cousin a point or two about being older and wiser. Lucky I play footy with one of the cops and went to school with the other one. No worries see you later, love ya’s all and I’m going to bed soon.
Anyways the party was meant to start at 10:30am because of my brilliant thinking so I thought I better get a couple hours sleep in and then it was the big day! Well it was about 8:30 and I was comfortable in my drunken hibernating state, when all of a sudden I was awoken by a female voice yelling out, “C’mon get up!” What the fuck? I checked the clock and it was too early and then I turned around to have a look at where the voice was coming from and nearly shit myself… Two reasons here:
1. The female in question was particularly ugly.
2. I didn’t know who the fuck she was! (Not that thats never happened before but usually they’re already in bed.)
Now this mess of a woman was now claiming she knew me from school. Now thats all good and shit but, but that still didn’t explain why she was in my house let alone my friggin bedroom. I politely responded, “Sorry I don’t remember who you are and even if I did, what the fuck are you doing here.” Turns out she was here with people we know. What were they doing here at this ungodly hour? Bloody ravers! And no I didn’t have my old school photos and she wouldn’t have been impressed what I did to her face because even if the looks improved they were still crap.
So I get up to have a look whats going on and thank christ we had beer left over. But even beer didn’t make me want to shag this chick. So I had more beer. It was now time to shower and get ready for the lawn bowls action. By time I got out of the shower, all hell had broken loose. The ugly was now crying with the space fairy who brought her here and she decided to ask Dr Singo for his advice. Bad move.
Apart from not giving a flying fuck, I was trying to get dressed and drink beer at the same time which left precious little space for my renowned compassionate side. Her problem apparently was that she was engaged to a male space cadet who was sitting out the front but had only known him for 7 months. Yeah and? My advice was pretty much do whatever and go annoy someone else about it. Yay.
Enough of that shit anyway because I then went and played some bowls and then it was time for the real action. Already drunk, I stumbled home with a bike I found in the park. It only had one wheel so unfortunately it didn’t work unlike my liver which was working overtime. So I get home and there was Slappa, Frank, Frank’s old man John, Azza, Leroy, Brad, Mick, Gav, Jaymin, Quinn and some other people I think (apologies to anyone I forget.)
It was midway through the first quarter and everyone was into it (the drink not the game) and we started talking shit. Half time rolled around and we decided to christen the BBQ and what a fuckin BRILLIANT idea because we were starving. Chicken satay was cooking and we were looking for something to do.
A couple of the boys found FAR-Q (my famous cricket bat and decided it would be a good idea to use a stress ball to have a game of frontyard cricket. No worries, how much damage could a stress ball do? Well we decided to find out but it wasn’t long until I had smashed it onto the roof of the old bat who lives across the road. It seems her main goal in life is to see how many times she can call the cops in a weekend. Why fuckin call when you have 2 butch ones living to doors down from you? They don’t even bother annoying us. Fucker her, it was a great shot.
The only problem was, we had nothing to use for a ball and we thought the game was over. We were just about to give up thinking about it when Leroy (smart cookie that he is) worked out a great use for all the empty slab boxes that were now floating around indiscriminately. Leroy went out the back and filled up the boxes with our supply of Tequila lemons and brought them out the front. That was widely thought of as BRILLIANT! As I lost the ball they thought it would be BRILLIANT if 3 of them were now bowlers at once. I had my work cut out and fuckin everything got sprayed with lemon juice and rind. Funnily enough I managed to hit or duck everyone of them including one massive number that was going straight for my head. That hit a fence the next house down. Everyone had a bat and there were lemons from arsehole to the breakfast table.
I then piffed one across the road and got Brad square on the scone. A fucking BRILLIANT hit which he was not happy about. But I gave “SUPER DRINKER” a free shot, which he wasted. All over. At least nobody stunk of grog, we were all lemon fresh scented as was the whole street.
It was now a case of fuck the footy, they’re only interstate teams anyway so it was time to bring out my pride and joy, the yard glass. This thing is the best bday present I ever had and is only brought out on special occasions. Fuck it, this day was getting so special, we should have got old Bruce McAveney down to tell commentate.
I wasn’t in a sculling mood and got the arse bagged off me for it and “SUPER DRINKER” Brad showed us all how it was done and went sick on it! He also later on went sick on the driveway and the footpath. He was not a healthy man and was soon reduced to a dribbling mess on the porch. Even more beer didn’t cure it. Azza by this time was swearing in maltese to anyone who would listen. Frank was just blind and by this time Kylie and Clay (a yank bloke) had turned up to the destruction. Jet, our mate from the pub also made a cameo appearance and was very excited about the shenanigans that were taking place.
But none of this was enough for King Leroy who fresh from destroying his own place the week before decided he wanted to learn to play the drums. Now we didn’t really have any space to set them up until Slappa thought it would be a good idea if I moved the bed. Now moving it would just be too bloody civilised for this kind of BRILLIANT day when we were all singing and drink and drink and drink and drink wouldn’t it?
So the bed got piffed across the room and we started setting it up, which took about an hour because I wanted smoko and drink breaks in return for my hard labour. But we got it up eventually and gave the street a demo of my awesome drunken drumming skills and then it was King Leroy for the next hour. Soon his missus came to drag him to another party and he was shattered that he had to leave his new love for another shindig. By this time people were coming and going non stop and I’m fucked if I can remember what was going on.
This is where the night gets real hazy. Hillzy (another mate) rocks up and starts partying and then we’re on the phone to a bunch of chicks we had met before. Brad was still in another world at home apparently and Azza had gone off somewhere. Farris from the bowls club rocks up but somehow I had managed to get stuck under the bed and was too drunk to get out of my predicament. Apparently it was 1am by now and fuck those few hours had flown. My old man had been around to talk about porn which he does very well and that was the last bit i remember (clearly).
Then Kindred calls out, we’re going to Volt! Fuckin what? Again? NNNOOOO!!!! Ok I’ll go. Scrubber hunting time! So we get changed and probably still stinking of beer, rock up to Volt. So we’re straight on the dance floor and Gav decided he was gonna hit dickhead mode right when it counted.
Now we all love running amok but this was going to far even for us. Gav can’t really dance (at all) and he decided to try and gangsta rap to RNB. Yeah ok fair enough. But not right next to us! There were a bunch of half decent looking chicks making their way over our way and we were ready to start the moves when Gav comes out of nowhere and starts dancing in the middle of the group. FUCK! They shot through to Europe or somewhere in no time. This was not fucking on. We were acting like dickheads doing the “and drink” dance and Gav took the cake and out dumbed us all.
At least we weren’t scaring the women away. In fact we were attracting them to our stupidity which was a most welcome surprise for all involved. Especially Frank who had lost the ability to speak English by this stage. Awesome time! Slappa had lost the ability to speak full stop which was making life difficult for him. I just didn’t give a fuck and RRRRRAAAAAAHHHH!!!! had become the catchphrase of the night, taking over from BRILLIANT earlier that day.
There were so many blokes in the joint it just wasn’t worth trying to pick up because there was a fair fuckin chance that punches would end up flying for all sides and we were way too trashed to do that. Then the night was over and another place was trashed.
Frank went home and told his Dad he was a soft cock for crashing early and then crashed himself. Hillzy, Gav, Jaymin and I got a lift home because Hillzy’s mum works nearby and we did not stop talking shit all the way home. We stayed up for another couple of drinks and that was the end of it. Mick went off to get a root. I was thinking about trying to get one but never got around to it and John got up and went drinking again.
All in all I would rate the whole thing a 10 out of fucking 10 because it was a BRILLIANT day and we all ran amok RRRRAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! WWWWOOOOOO!!!!! Any of you who were there, please add in comments and stories to fill up the gaps. Cheers.
:twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::evil::evil::evil::razz::razz::roll::shock::shock:
been a while since i’ve updated this shit hole, I’ve moved again, living with two mates Frank and Singo, should make for some funny stories and happenings around here, i’m giving the guys access to this site so they can post the bullshit that goes on around here. The digital cam should get a beating seeing as tho everyone is always around here. anyway i got work todo 
ciao for now.
Today i discovered my true identity i discovered my pirate name!!!! “Mad William Vane”
to find yours follow this link
In other news, I’ll be updating this site more regularly, i’ve moved out and moved in with a couple of mates, so there should be some stories too tell. I may even sign these guys up to this site to keep a blog of the household happenings should be interesting.
