As you may already know, it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
So next Saturday at 4 p.m. eastern time all Australian women are asked to walk out of their houses completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Taliban, and to demonstrate that they think its okay to see nude women other than their wives and to show support for all Australian women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-taliban sentiment. The Australian government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless Australia.
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There is hope for us all yet. A sex pill which claims to combat brewer’s droop has been developed. Food supplement Paraxine is said to rid the bloodstream of alcohol 55 per cent faster than happens naturally. According to The Sun, Dutch firm Cobeco said it helped get over hangovers quicker. But the majority of 250 male testers said it helped in bed after heavy drinking. A box of ten costs £12. If successful, it will be released in Britain. A spokesman said: “It will help with those tricky post-drinking moments.”
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
32) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
reminds me of a few nights on the town.
