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This is just a little quick update, i’ve got so much more to say down the track, but at the moment i feel that i shouldn’t really be saying it. on that note here’s a little story from the weekend.

tis about 9-10am, sat morning, no sleep and constant drinking since about 6pm the night before, so i’m pretty messy. we head upto 7-11, anyway, i get out the front of the shop and strip down naked and walk in beer in hand, there is this little asian chick behind the counter shitting herself, anyway i go and get myself a meat pie and put it on the counter and ask for my ciggies. then proceed to parade myself around the shop again, her hands start to shake and she screams in a tiny voice get out. i laugh and walk to the counter and ask can i have my ciggies, and pick them up with the pie, and she says just get out, so i do with my free meat pie and ciggies, put my cloths back on and head back to the house. on the way back we pass this house that is open for inspection across the road, so we stroll in, get our pamphlets, and have a look around, meanwhile we are drinking our beer and eating our meat pies. we head straight for the fridge to find no alcholol insite, so we figure a house with no alcholol needs to be fixed, so i take a dump in the toilet reversal styles, while my mate sits in the lounge watching tv, while all these people come thru for the inspection, i did my deed didn’t flush and we left. we both thought we were quiet funny at the time. anyway to make it even funnier, later that day we were tellin a mate, and he ended hearing it all from a estate agent mate of his earlier that day. so mer. i still tend to make a dick of myself.

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Friday night, i went home for the first time in 3 days. had too feed the dog! it’s okay when i’m not there others feed Oscar. home by 4:30 on my way out to a housewarming by 5, blind by 6. twas my X’s brothers and his fiance’s house warming. anyway, i was the first to arrive and hit the piss straight away, lucky there is a bottle-o next door and we can scream out over the back fence and they pass us our grog, pay for it and hand back the change, it’s all so convienent. anyway everyone started to arrive, by this time i was pretty spastic and talking about the price of fish in China on a wednesday when there is a new moon. few of the X’s relo’s rocked up was good catchin up with them. anyway night goes on, out comes the champaine and red wine. and i’m fucked. few more people rock over, and someone brings a thai chilli plant in as a present. anyway Ben and I stare at it for about half an hour so eager to get stuck into it. Anyway he finds the 2 smallest chilli’s he can find on the plant and we munch them, i didn’t even flinch, and he’s choaking up, tears flow, heavy breathing and starts drinking copious ammounts of liquid. i burst out laughin and have a go at him for being a soft cock, etc. anyway his missus comes up and picks the biggest chilli of the plant and offers it too me, i’m like fuck yea. anyway so i down the chilli, my mouth is on fire at this point i’m breaking into sweats and eyes are watering something shocking. Anyway, i contain myself, pretty well then start mouthing off again as ya do. Head outside for a joint, and i’m off with the fairys again. anyway bout 15 mins later, i start to taste the chilli’s again, it’s about 1am. the taste gets worse and worse, next thing you know i’m throwing up, first time in fuckin yonks. mid chuck i scream fuckin chilli’s as my mouth is now burning fuck hard. everyone pisses emself’s i carry on drinking. end up finishing up @ 6am, then drove home, and watched “Home & Away” Divided Hearts… ehe, my house mates missus loves it… anyway I was a bit underthe weather and figured i wouldn’t go out tonight(sat) and headed over to a mates joint. Where we started gettin stuck into his oldgals home made vodka. few phone calls later and many a drink we were off to the dodgiest club in melbourne. “The Metro” with some shit music. anyway was there till close. went back to a mates joint where we started to play strip poker and get into the shooters, needless to say i was nude withing 10 mins. and everyone else slowly followed. I was running around down the street @ 10am sunday morning nude once again. I belong in a nudisty colony. anyway i’ve started to type this so many times, so busy @ work. hopefully it makes sense.

Another week comes to an end. Work is getting extremely boring. only another 2 weeks to go and i’m out of here. New beginings. Haven’t been doing much at all lately, been a bit boring. Payin off my CreditCard so tryin not to spend any cash.

The oldman went into hosipital this week, think it was sunday. Coughin up blood. my bro said he had phenomia (fuck i can’t spell i would be amazed if i got it right ) anyway i think he comes out today. I think it’s something to do with when he had that legionair’s thing. oh well. Part of me doesn’t really care (he’s a cunt) and the other part well i duno. he’s my oldman after all… apart from that.

not much else has been happening. same ol same ol, watched “from dusk till dawn” lastnight for the first time fuck it was a pisser, i didn’t see that vampire shit commin. it was pretty funny. to top the night off i watch “Supertroopers” always a good stoner movie. Then fell asleep on the couch.

The X is back in the country, still haven’t heard from her, part of me doesn’t want to but the other half does. i’m gonna have to see her anyway i still got a heap of her stuff n vice versa. Gotta get her to sign the back of our bond check from 18 months ago so can finally cash it.

An Australian radio station recently ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moments in listener’s lives.

The following are the final four placegetters:-

4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s Willie last night!’ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me, were the screams of laughter.

3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled ‘SURPRISE’ My entire family…aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checkout chick got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear ‘Price check on Lane 13…TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.’ That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘TAMPAX’ for THUMBTACKS’ In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?’

And the winner is……..

1st Place
This one happened at a major Australian University in October Last year.
In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female, raised her hand and asked, ‘If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in the male semen as in sugar?’ ‘That’s correct.’ Responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, ‘Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?’ After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said. She picked up her books, and without a word walked out of the class, and never returned.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straightfaced, he answered her question. ‘IT DOESN’T TASTE SWEET BECAUSE THE TASTE-BUDS FOR SWEETNESS ARE ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE AND NOT IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT.’