Teeth

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting
right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to
come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin’s skirt.

Get your hand out of there!” she shouts. “Don’t you know that women have teeth down there?”

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he’s 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, “You know, you could go a little further if you want.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well, why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch.

“Hell no,” he cries, “you’ve got teeth down there!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no teeth down there.” “Yes there are,” he says, “my Mom told me so.” “No there aren’t,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.”

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.”

“No I’m sorry” he says. “My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there.”

“Oh for crying out loud!” she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, “LOOK, I DON’T have any teeth down there.”

The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, with the condition of those gums, I’m not surprised!

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Three drunk women

Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes.”

The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first girl spoke out again, ” Listen girls, I don’t think you understand……Chunks is my dog.”

Female hormones

A team of Harvard scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer (cf. Anderson et. al , 2003:pp 204-300). They concluded that men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The hypothesis that they tested is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, a stratified sample of 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

Detailed statistical analysis confirmed that 100% of the test subjects:

1. Gained weight;
2. Talked excessively without making sense;
3. Became overly emotional;
4. Couldn’t drive;
5. Failed to think rationally;
6. Argued over nothing; and
7. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Saw this flying around earlier.

Grant me the serenity to accept things i cannot change,
the courage to change things i can,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people i had
to kill today because they pissed me off.

and also help me to be careful of those toes i step on
today as they may be connected to the ass that i may have
to kiss tomorrow.

help me always give 100% at work…
12% on monday
23% on tuesday
40% on wednesday
20% on thursday
5% on fridays

And help me to remember….
When im having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to get fucked!

Amen